You would have been born sometime this week my poppet. I would have been nervous and worried but so very very desperate to meet you.

Your Daddy would have felt exactly the same. We were so impatient to see what your unique mix of us would look like. We were looking forward to holding you and seeing your wide open newborn eyes looking at us for the first time and we're so very very sad that we only got to meet your lifeless tiny beautiful body.

Oh I just know you would have been such a handsome little boy and you would have been welcomed into our family with open arms and so much love.

We love you now and we will love you until we die.

We miss you.
We miss you.
We miss you.

It has been 100 days since we lost you.

Sweet tiny perfect George.

We have travelled a long way in 100 days.

The blink of an eye.

We've found no short cuts as there are none to be found.
We've turned around and gone back a way,
Stopped in one place for a while and stared at the scenery,
Missed some turnings and got a bit lost,
Been bumped off the road and got back on it.

We're not entirely sure of our destination
and we know there's a long long way left to travel
but we're going there together, the long way.

With LOVE.
With HUMOUR
With HOPE

Today... and every day with LOVE.
Because in the end it's all that matters.

I'm sorry I couldn't take you to work today. You wouldn't have liked it my little poppet. Nobody wanted to hear about you and I didn't want to share you with people like that. You are too too precious to me to waste words on uncaring people.

I'm home now and here you are, filling my heart with love.

Thank you for showing me how much love it is possible to cram into one heart.

I love you my son.

There's a new year my sweet boy
2008 was your year.
Every year after should have been your year too.
Loving you
Always
Missing you
Forever

Holding your heart in mine when I should have been holding your hand with love.

Our mini-poppet.

I look at your tiny perfect face every day and every day I miss you.

Your Daddy thinks of you too, he loved you and wanted you so much.

You would have loved having him for a Dad, he would have learned how to play with you and taught you so much. He would have learned how to be the Dad he didn't get and protected you from the world. He would have been proud of all of your achievements and bragged about his son. He would have made you laugh and giggle.

We would have started having the Christmases we remember from our childhoods. With a big tree and lots of little presents, fun, family and love. We didn't this year. This year we are too sad that you aren't inside my tummy.

You would have been a lucky boy.

And we would have been lucky parents.

We miss you George.

Beautiful boy

I'm sorry we're not together as we should be, I'm sorry my body let you down and couldn't keep you alive. I'm so so sorry.

I miss you growing inside me.

I love you.

My son, my baby, my mini poppet, my lost child...

It's been almost a month now and I miss you.

I wanted to feel you move more than I did. I wanted to see you move my belly. I wanted to talk to you knowing you could hear me from inside. I wanted to feel your reactions to your daddy's hand and voice more than that one time when he put his hand on my belly and you wriggled, it was wonderful. I wanted to get fatter and complain about my back. I wanted to feel impatient to meet you.

I wanted your birth to be happy and healthy not filled with pain and sadness. I wanted to feel the pain of real, happy labour and give birth to you not too soon but at just the right time. I wanted to see your eyes open and hear your cry. I wanted the time to find out which bits you got from me and which from your daddy. I wanted to breastfeed you and feel that bond. I wanted to take you home. I wanted the sleepless nights. I wanted to stare at the miracle of you made with love.

I wanted to see you discover the world and smile when it made sense. I wanted to show you so many things. I wanted us to discover the leaves on the trees and the boats on the sea as a family. I wanted to play with you for hours and forget the housework. I wanted to giggle and be silly with you. I wanted to proudly push you in your buggy. "This is my son George, isn't he the most handsome?" I wanted to hear you say "daddy" and "mummy" for the first time. I wanted to give you so many cuddles and hugs and kisses. I wanted to get to know you, to see your personality develop and assert itself. I wanted to help you be as you as you could be.

I wanted to let you run wild because sometimes it's good to feel wild and free. I wanted to encourage your mischievous nature. You would have had one: mummy and daddy do. I wanted to try to answer your endless questions. I wanted to protect you from the horrors of this world. I wanted you to feel safe.

I wanted to worry about you as you started school. I wanted you to enjoy learning. I wanted you to feel you could do anything. I wanted you to be able to find your way in life. I wanted you to have adventures.

I wanted to teach you about love and respect and kindness so that when you bought your first girlfriend home we would know you were behaving like a gentleman, just like your father. I wanted to meet your first girlfriend... and your second... I wanted to cry when you got married and cry when I saw my first grandchild for the first time.

But whatever path you decided on in your life I wanted to support you.

I wanted to grow old knowing I had done the best I could for you.

I will always love you.
I will always miss you.
I will never forget you.